What is Mental Health?

For The Rome Observer, January 4, 2011

By Elizabeth Szlek, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

There is much talk in the news about mental illness and everyone seems to understand what that is all about. As you read my columns in this paper, you and I will be looking at the present state of the mental health care in America, and together we will decide what is true and what is false. We will be looking at mental health memes! I guess you can already tell that I may have my doubts about a lot of what is going on…

However, as to the question of “What is mental health”?”,I have very definite ideas of what mental health looks like, how to achieve it, and how to tell if someone is mentally healthy or not. For me, it all comes down to relationships.

The Four Relationships

I believe that for a person to be mentally healthy, they need to have four different kinds of good relationships. If these are in order, it is almost assured that the person will be able to function well in society, and will enjoy great peace of mind and harmony. If, on the other hand, any of these relationships are in trouble or even missing, there will be less to be happy about. This will lead to mental distress and sometimes the person will become overwhelmed by life. So, what are these four types of relationships.?

The first relationship we must consider is the one we have with ourselves. This might seem like an odd thing to think about, but the truth is, many people are taught by those around them to think poorly of themselves. They are shamed and criticized, and, in a word, not loved enough. I spend a lot of time telling people they are wonderful, because – they are! There are many ways to go astray from a good relationship with oneself, such as addictions, anxiety, depression and other distressing states. All these problems, however, can be worked on, and people can come to a proper assessment of their real worth, and learn to treat themselves with respect but also learn to practice humility.

Family and Friends

Of course, no man is an island, and we all need to have good, loving relationships with our families, and with friends. Some people are lucky, and their parents loved them, disciplined them and taught them to value the things that endure. Others were not so lucky. They have a difficult time trusting others, since they have been so hurt. Perhaps they can even say they have no friends. This is indeed a troubling situation, and one which needs to be addressed. Sometimes those who have a bad appraisal of themselves are also bad at creating relationships with others. Again, this takes skills that can be acquired, so there is no reason to despair. Everyone who is willing can learn to be a friend to others.

Relationship with Community

Since we no longer live in a tribal society, but are part of a democratic country, we all need to be involved in something bigger than our family. We can break free from narrow prejudices, and learn to enjoy the company of people who are different from ourselves.

I remember living in Siena, Italy, where there were fierce rivalries between the thirteen neighborhoods that comprised that ancient city. Lives were lost over trifles, just because someone was from the “Turtle” contrada, and not the “Fish” contrada (neighborhood). These medieval loyalties were interesting to watch, but I don’t think most of us would want to be so bound by a few city blocks. The world is a big place! We all need to be able to move out into it, following our own talents and inclinations.

We all benefit from joining organizations which match our interests, whether that be a church, political party, sports group, a volunteer organization, or any other worthwhile group. Working and playing together, we form bonds of friendship with others, increase our feelings of competency and generosity, and we feel included, and not just by our “tribe”.

Relationship with our Higher Power

Finally, I believe humans have a very real need for a connection to something greater than ourselves. This power is usually described as God, but many people have been hurt in their relationships to religious organizations, so we will use the more neutral term, Higher Power. This is somewhat mysterious to those who do not think about this type of relationship, but I believe it is a necessary part of development of one’s greatest gifts. Many of us experience something “beyond” ourselves, and enter into spiritual states, When you believe something bigger than you is out there, it is a great comfort, and the springboard for many wonderful moments in life.

A Final Word

This is my basic view of mental health. It’s all about how we are connecting to ourselves, to a Higher Power, to friends and family, and to the larger world around us. Sometimes it seems very difficult to manage all these facets of relationship well, but I will be discussing all four aspects of this struggle in my future columns. I certainly welcome your feedback and comments and questions.

Elizabeth Szlek is the Director of The Door Counseling Center of Utica. Questions and comments can be directed to her at (315) 768-8900, or at info@thedoorcounseling.com.